Friday, October 30, 2015

Movie Review: Crimson Peak

No Spoilers (Promise!)

On a scale from "Burn it in the back and never speak of it again" to "Build a museum for its awesomeness," I put it around "I don't know what's happening in Guillermo del Toro's mind, but I like it!"


I'm not sure whether to say it's a horror movie with a gothic romance or a gothic romance with horror.  And I'm not sure whether or not I should be ticked about that. Because I don't like romantic subplots (or a romantic plot with a horror subplot?), especially not gothic ones. It's been done. It's full of tropes and cliches. Good girl falls for the bad boy. Father disapproves of bad boy. The women are portrayed as weak, fragile beings who swoon and faint because it's set in the Victorian era.

On the other hand, Tom Hiddleston plays the bad boy named Thomas (the poor guy's gonna get type-cast as an untrustworthy scoundrel with a British accent). And while there are obvious gender roles and limitations (as I said, Victorian era), the last twenty minutes completely debunks it when the female lead Edith stops being an idiot and grows a pair and confronts Thomas's sister Lucille.

It is a very good movie, if you know what to expect. We see a ghost in the opening (Edith's mother, and it's pretty freaky), then there's 45 minutes of plot build-up and gothic romance and background (and everyone in the theater is like, "Come on, come one, show us another ghost, dammit!"), and then Edith's father's face gets smashed in and they move to Britain. Then you see more ghosts. And they freak you out.


So if you haven't already seen the movie, I encourage you to do so. If you have (and I suspect most of you have because this review is so late because I only saw it last weekend due to school and life getting in the way), then encourage those who haven't. Because it's Guillermo del Toro and Tom Hiddleston in a ghost movie.

Spoilers (Like, All of Them)

Del Toro's been watching too much Game of Thrones. Because Thomas and Lucille? The siblings? Yeah, they're banging. You see the fact that they're in a (dysfunctional) relationship a mile away (it's not really subtle), but the fact that they were not, in fact, lying about being siblings...yeah. In fact, Thomas's whole sex life has been Lucille since puberty, then one night with Edith, then he gets killed.

But let's backtrack. If Thomas is with (an obsessive, controlling) Lucille, why is he marrying Edith? Obvious answer: money.

The siblings barely have a penny to their name, even though their land is on a ton of clay that they want to mine and sell. The house is falling apart, no one's financing the mining project, Lucille's a psychopath (no, seriously, a psychopath, that's not me doing distasteful name-calling), so, yeah. They're in a tough spot. So they devise two plans to get more money.

Plan A: look for a sponsor. Perfectly legal, totally legit. Thomas shows his clay-mining machine to a bunch of rich guys and hopes someone will give him money to run it. That fails, so...

Plan B: marry a rich girl, legally own everything she has, kill her. Then throw her body in the blood-colored clay so her ghost becomes all red and smoky.

Sorry, bad picture. But you can see how the ghosts of the women whose bodies were thrown in the red clay affects how they look. Edith's mom died of disease and her ghosts is black. 

So Thomas has had three other wives before Edith from all over the world, and they're either killed by Lucille, or by Thomas who's completely F-ed up by Lucille.

One of the scariest parts of the movie is when Edith is digging through the old photographs and records of the wives and listening to the recordings left by one of them, and the recording says, "They're killing me. The poison's in the tea. It's in the tea!"

And because they're British, the only thing they drink is tea.

Meanwhile the ghosts are being all freaky and scary but are actually harmless. They can only guide and scare you. They're not the bad guys. So it's not a ghost story, per se. It's a horror movie that happens to have ghosts in it (not unlike Edith's book she's trying to publish; hey, look, a metaphor!).

It also has a giant clay-mining machine that's scary and grinding and all throughout the movie you think "Someone's gonna die in that thing." But no. When Edith does kill Lucille in the end, it's with a good old-fashioned shovel.

That after's Lucille kills Thomas (who tries to tell Lucille, "Hey, you know what, let's not kill the woman I've fallen in love with to steal her money and instead leave this haunted house where we killed our mom and three other women?"). And she kills him by stabbing him in the face.

Do you know how deranged you have to be to stab stomone in the f***ing face? It's nauseating to do that even on a dummy. They've done studies, people! This karate class taught its students a lethal move where you drive your thumb through the victim's eye into their brain, and they had them practice on people who held oranges to their eyes and pretended that it hurt and everything, and the students were f***ing traumatized! Deranged, I tell you! Deranged!

Yeah, I'm convinced now. Del Toro, stop watching Game of Thrones. It's making me worry about you, even if it did influence a damn good movie.


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Friday, October 23, 2015

Demonology Files: Lucifer

Long before God's own personal Hell Week (because creating earth, and all the animals, and all the plants, and humans, all in one week has got to be a pain), he ruled his hosts of angels. And his favorite was Lucifer.

Lucifer was hot stuff, and he knew it. You don't get the name "Morning Star" for nothing. He was the Queen B, the Cool Kid everyone wanted to hang out with.

Until God said, "Oh, by the way I have a Son, and he's going to be my right-hand man from now on."

Lucifer paused. Blinked. "Uh, what?"

God's the type of parent who likes to show off his kid. And I mean really, really show him off. And that's fine; if you have a kid like Jesus, then you should show him off. He's only the Messiah.

But Lucifer was getting sick of it. All this attention going to this new kid? The throne, the crown, the singing, the bowing...Come on.

The final straw was God having these super-secret meeting with Jesus about how they should create humanity and what destiny it should have. No angels allowed.

Lucifer called a meeting of all the angels and said, "God's being a dick, in fact has always been a dick, and I don't him in charge anymore. I want overthrow God and replace his monarchy with a democracy."

And about a third of the angels said, "Great! We're in!"

And everyone else said, "Uh, this is a problem."

Now, God could've very easily plucked Lucifer by his foot and chucked out of Heaven like bad meat. But He was smart. He knew that if he did that, all the other angels who supported Lucifer (whether openly or secretly) would still be around to piss Him off. So, he waited.

More and more angels declared for Lucifer, and still, God waited.

When Lucifer had as many people on his side as he could get--a little less than half of all the angels--he marched straight up to God, who was sitting on His throne, and said, "Beat it."

God's reply was, "How about no?"

Lucifer looked behind him at his army of angels. "You really want this to go down?"

"No, I'd much rather you take all of your friends and leave forever. Now."

"Make me."

And God said, "Challenge accepted."

The thing with Heaven is it's several thousand feet in the air, just sort of chilling on a bunch of clouds. And the thing with God is He's the one who determines whether or not his angels have wings.

So first, God said the word and Lucifer and all of his supporters lost their wings.

Then he pressed a button that opened up the trap door beneath Lucifer and all his friends. Like Mr. Burns.

And now they're in Hell.

The end! 

Okay, maybe it was a bit more dramatic than a trap door, but that's the jist of it. 


Traditionally, this was less of an origin story about the Devil and more of a warning on just how much pride and arrogance can F you up. Satan was God's BFF, His favorite angel. Then he let his pride get in the way and now he's burning in Hell like BBQ steak on the grill.

Today, it's something a little different. Lucifer didn't go toe-to-toe with God just because he was jealous of Jesus (though that obviously set him off). Every decision, every law, everything that determined the angels' lives was chosen by God. They had no say in the matter. No exceptions. You follow His word to the letter or you get booted out of Heaven.

Lucifer disagreed with the whole system. He wanted to replace the current form of government--essentially a monarchy--with something democratic. He wanted the angels to be able to make their own decisions.

This is why Satanists view Lucifer (or, as many of them call him, Set) not as a symbol of evil, but as a symbol of rebellion, independence, unorthodox ideas. Basically, if God is the stern father who makes all the rules and expects you to follow them, Lucifer's the cool uncle who lets you break all of those rules and won't tell Dad.

Obviously, that idea's not mainstream. Just look at movies. The Omen, Rosemary's Baby, anything that has a demon or the Devil in some form has him as the bad guy, and all of his followers are bad guys. And if Hollywood were to ever do a movie with Satanist-sympathetic views, the actors would be shunned, the director would be fired, and the producers would burn the film and pray it never comes up again. Because that First Amendment, that freedom of religion thing? That's more of a guideline than a rule, anyway.


For a more orthodox telling of Lucifer's fall, go here.
For the website of the Official Church of Satan, go here.


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Friday, October 16, 2015

Book Review: Magnus Chase and the Sword of Summer

I love Rick Riordan. He's my favorite YA author, with Rowling coming in a close second (don't kill me for that, please).

When my brother and I were kids and got sick, Dad would read us The Lightning Thief, because it always made us laugh. He stopped doing that as we got older and Liam and I reached the parents-aren't-cool stage. But we still read the books.

What was fun with Percy Jackson was that I knew the Greek gods forwards, backwards, and inside out. I love Greek mythology.

I know nothing about the Norse gods, but this was still an amazing book. And, in my case, educational. At least now I can name more of the Asgardians besides Loki, Thor, and Odin.

(You can get this for dirt cheap on Amazon. Click here for details.)

Quick note: if you haven't already, you should read all the Percy Jackson books first, as in the five books in the original series and the five books in the Heroes of Olympus series, because:

A) Per usual, Riordan leaves The Sword of Summer on a cliff hanger, so by the time you read all ten Percy Jackson books you won't have to wait long for the Magnus Chase sequel.

B) There's a lot of inside jokes that only Percy Jackson fans will get (chapter titles, character names, etc.) You'll miss out on a lot of the fun if you don't get a proper Percy education.

I only had one problem with this book...well, two actually. One and a half.

I like wolves. Scratch that, I love wolves. I have a dozen wolf t-shirts. My favorite sweater has a wolf design. I have a whole bookshelf dedicated to books on wolf behavior, biology, culture, etc. When I went to the International Wolf Center in Ely, MN, that was the greatest weekend of my life (and not just because I learned how to play D&D at the time).

And Rick Riordan decided the bad guy had to be a wolf.

Boo! Boo, I say!

"But Christina, that's not Rick. That's Norse mythology. You can't blame him for that."

Yes, I can, and I do. Because he could've had a cool wolf be a good guy. He didn't have to make Magnus Chase wolf-phobic. What did wolves ever do to Magnus to deserve that?

"Um...they killed his mom?"

Shut up.

And speaking of Magnus, problem 1.5 was the conventionality of the hero. He's basically a homeless, nature-based, Norse version of Percy Jackson. Selfless, sarcastic, noble, only steals from or hurts bad guys, yadda yadda yadda.

Yes, it's a YA novel and yes, we're supposed to root for the main character because otherwise we're rooting for Doomsday...but it's kind of vanilla. Riordan's Apollo was much more interesting.

Give me an anti-hero, a gray character.
Someone who rips off perfectly innocent, non-douchebag people for their own sake.
Someone who lies and cheats.
Someone who runs away from danger rather than valiently running towards it.
Someone who doesn't feel guilty when their friends die; they're just relieved they didn't die.
Someone who wants to save their own skin.

For me, Magnus's only redeeming features in terms of interesting character traits is his humor and powers of non-violence (because I'm a pacifist and I love it when that kind of message is sent out).

...except Magnus isn't entirely nonviolent because he kills a bunch of giants. But not for interesting, controversial reasons. It was self-defense.

"Really, Christina? It's Rick Riordan, not Game of Thrones."

I don't see why it can't be both.

"Oh, for the love of...Is it a good book or not? Just tell me so I know whether or not to get it on Amazon for my nephew for Christmas."

Fine. Yes, it's a good book. It's a great book, actually. Classic Rick Riordan with new(ish) characters and Norse gods.

Also, one of the major characters, a Valkyrie named Sam, is a calculus-teaching, axe-wielding Muslim, which you just don't see in YA novels. Or anywhere, really. So I love that.

Wait, can you be Muslim while working with and serving Norse gods? I feel like that's a fundamental contradiction. Like being a naiad in the Greek god universe and then going to a Christian church on Sunday.

Whatever. There's also a deaf elf who practices magic and a dwarf fashionista, who are both ridiculous and captivating.

Highly recommended.

A Minor Spoiler

So, you know how I said you should read the Percy Jackson series before Magnus Chase because of the inside jokes? I lied.

Magnus Chase has a cousin, who is Annabeth Chase.

As in, Percy's girlfriend and daughter of Athena. That Annabeth Chase.

And yeah, I thought that Riordan was just playing with names, or just really really likes the name Annabeth. But then she talks to Magnus and mentions gods and a place you can go to be safe. But of course, because of the time crunch and dramatic irony, neither of them has time to mention measely details like Norse or Greek.

So it looks like Rick's going to try meshing the Greek/Roman and Norse gods together. What's next, Egyptian?

...wait a minute...   O_O


You can get Magnus Chase here!

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Friday, October 9, 2015

Scream Queens is Stereo-tacular!

I love American Horror Story. Well...most seasons. Freak Show was a bust, but seasons 1-3 were spectacular. So when I found out the creators were doing a new show called Scream Queens with the star being the same lovable bitch from Coven, I thought my October TV was going to be amazing.

Nope. Absolutely wretched.

...yeah, okay, I've checked my teeth using a knife, too. That's accurate.

I get some of the humor. The oversensitive dad, Chanel 2's murder dialogue being all text and tweet, the awkward gay guy, etc. And I love Dean Munsch. She's nasty and mean and sleeping with her students is a gross abuse of power, but she's got such a badass personality that I love her all the same.

But that's what makes this so disappointing. The writers have talent, they have amazing actors, and an intriguing concept. But the writers went way off the deep end and worse, they got lazy. Really, really lazy. You can barely go ten seconds without falling into a stereotype. And some of these are insulting. I'm pretty sure they're just using the guidebook below:

Scream Queens' Stereotypes (Your Guide to Superficial Characters)

1. Sorority is a Synonym for House Full of Narcissistic, Rich Bitches

Even though sorority girls are college students--and therefore, broke--of course they live in huge, extravagant mansions and pay several hundred dollars of fees. Because that's what parents want their daughters to have in college: a fancy house, lots of casual sex, and Prada shoes. Grades and work are second to getting shit-faced every weekend because, hey, everyone knows Greek life is basically the rich college students' version of AA. So have fun, bitches!

Okay, I say this as a sorority girl: sororities and fraternities are philanthropic networking organizations. The whole point is to make academic and business connections and to provide service for the community. Hard to do that with a hangover and $500 heels. Oh, also, Greek houses aren't run by rich jackasses. Mine has eight rooms, with a tiny kitchen and the worst heating and AC imaginable. (Did you think I knitted blankets just for fun?)

Are there some bitchy sororities? Yes, of course there are. You get bad apples in every group of people. But first Coven and now Scream Queens? Does Ryan Murphy seriously think that every time a bunch of women get together we immediately start clawing each other's eyes out? Study after study has shown that women work better as a team than men. (I assume it's for the same reason that men hesitate to ask for directions when they're lost: "No, no, I know where we are! We don't need any help. Now, this next left is either going to take us to the highway or a haunted forest where we'll probably die a horrible, screaming death." Hey, look! Another stereotype.)

Granted, being hunted by an anonymous serial killer is fairly stressful and even the calmest and most timid person is bound to lash out. But why does every Kappa girl have to be a complete and utter nasty unless it's the Nice New Girl and her friends? (We'll visit that cliche later.)

2. All African American Women are Sassy Black Women

Need a Black woman to make the show diverse but don't know how a real Black woman talks? Make her the Sassy Black Woman! The SBW is guaranteed to be not only sassy and fun, but to make the audience laugh with ridiculous comments and an exaggerated yet simple personality. Easy to write and fun to play! 

Be sure to get two or three SBWs, so you can have the first death be the African American (adhering to the rules of TV horror) and still have the proper amount of tokens on the show. 

Wow, I feel racist just writing that, even with satire.

With Coven, there was a racial divide between the descendants of Salem (the White witches) and the descendants of African slaves, now led by the immortal Voodoo Queen Marie Laveau. Queenie, who was a teenage Black girl and a member of the predominantly White coven, had some serious soul-searching to do as she tried to figure out who she was, what her place was in which coven because of her race, talents, and other people's opinions of her, all while trying to de-racist an immortal woman from the early nineteenth century who had been a slave-owner and torturer. The writers did that so well!

Even Coven's minor Black characters with less than five minutes of collective screen time had layers and questions and depth that is sadly missing in Scream Queens.

Scream Queens' Black characters are as shallow and superficial as the stereotype the writers assigned them. That goes for all the characters, but now it's gone from bad writing to bad racist writing.

I don't even want to know what they'll do to an Asian or Hispanic character. Oh, wait, but I do know, because they're using racial stereotypes.

Cliches (Your Guide to Lazy Writing) 

The Nice New Girl 

Played by Skylar Samuels. You're instantly rooting for her because she's nice and new. She's pretty but doesn't care about fashion and clothes like all rich bitches do. You don't ever see her have casual sex, because the Nice New Girl is never promiscuous. You can't wait for her to usurp the bitch queen ruling the sorority (played by Emma Roberts).

Well, would you look at that. The one picture of the Nice New Girl where she doesn't look nice. Someone call the presses! 

The Distracting Romantic Subplot

The romance drama between Chanel and Chad...which, now that I reflect on it, was probably over-dramatized in a middle school fashion explicitly for the purposes of humor and making fun of distracting romantic subplots.

...well played, Ryan Murphy.

But did you have to make Chad so damn annoying? Every time he opens his mouth I want to strangle him (with one exception and one exception only: when he let his roommate cuddle him because he was scared of the serial killer).

I can't laugh if I'm grating my teeth and resisting the urge to throw something at the television (or, in this case, my iPad) just to make him stop talking.

The one time I don't want to strangle Chade to shut him up.

The Sex Jokes

What are we, fourteen? On and on about sex and vaginas and gay groping.

And every man we meet--with the (possible) exception of the Nice New Girl's dad--is trying to get into a woman's pants. Or they're talking about getting into a woman's pants. Gross.


"Christina, why are you taking this so seriously? It's just a dumb show. It's not meant to be taken seriously."

You're right. It's not. I know that. But its messages will be taken seriously.

Some people are going to watch Scream Queens and they're going to listen to its messages and take them to heart. Some people who watch this are going to think that all sorority sisters--possibly all women in general--are stupid bitches and it's funny when they die. Some people are going to think that the only acceptable personality for a Black woman is a stereotype. Some people are going to think that the only thing men want from women is sex.

Bad writing still sends messages, and when this is the message, then we have a problem.

So my advice would be not to watch Scream Queens, if for no other reason than it's a bad show. You deserve better television.


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Friday, October 2, 2015

Horror Movies: Best and Worst

Haunt the Halls
(an Ode to Horror Movies)

'Tis the season
to be scared shitless

Blood and gore
And killers and monsters

Come the terrible
cliched characters

Start the movie and
hide behind your fingers


Whoo-hoo! It's October! Which means horror movies! Horror movies are my jam! (In case you haven't already figured that out with the horribly written song.)

I don't really read horror stories; for some reason they're not that scary on the page. (Matter of fact, I hate Stephen King. I love the concepts but I don't like his style. There, I said it.) But one of my favorite ways to spend an evening is putting on a horror movie and cowering behind my bowl of popcorn. Or, alternatively, laughing my ass off at how ridiculous it is.

So I've composed this list for both of those purposes. The bad horror movies are listed for your amusement. The good ones are listed for your terror. Spoilers are, for the most part, nonexistent. Should they appear, you will be given ample warning, I promise!

(Oh, and if you think I'm leaving something out, contact me. I'll be sure to watch it this month.)

Let's begin!

The Worst

5. Sorority Row

Being a sorority sister, I almost hesitate to put this on any kind of list. It reinforces the stereotype of bitchy, slutty, stupid sorority girls.

But that's why the girls and I love it. We pop this thing in in our tiny TV, crowding in the living room of our dingy rented house, and when the scene opens in that mansion with the trampoline and the feathers we're laughing our asses off.

It's your basic slasher fic with an overused script and bitches who die. What's not to love?

4. Annabelle

This was disappointing. The Conjuring was great, so when I found out they were doing a prequel on that creepy doll, I thought, "Perfect! Same writers and everything? Sign me up!"

Nope. It has its scares, such as that scene in the basement. But everything about it is overused and cliched...such as that scene in the basement.

Good for cheap thrills. Just keep the expectations low.

3. Amityville Haunting (2011) 

This one was just...weird. Basic haunted house, with the Blaire Witch style 1st POV camera. The ending was pretty horrifying and the scares were great. So in that sense, it was actually a good horror movie.

But the acting was bad, and the characters were stupid. With everything going to shit so fast, you'd think the ex-marine dad would pull a strategic retreat and get his family out of the house where four people have been killed in as many days that he's aware of. Come on!

2. Hills Have Eyes (Remake)

Remakes are usually bad, anyway, but this one...Cannibal humans? Great! Super-conservative gender roles, cliched script, and zero medical rules? Boo!

Seriously. One of the kids gets knocked out and he's unconscious for hours. When he wakes up, zero brain damage and perfect memory. No, he should be comatose.

Oh, and that kid gets a handgun because he's a boy, but neither the grandmother, the twenty-year-old mother, or his older sister get a gun (which is part of the reason two of those women die). The son-in-law who's never fired a shot in his life gets one, though.

1. Undead 


Zombies are in Australia because aliens.

Don't get me wrong. I love zombies, and I love aliens. But it's like fruit cake. As Jim Gaffigan put it, "It doesn't add up! Fruit: good. Cake: great. Fruit cake: nasty crap." Keep the fruit and the cake separate, people!

Now, it may just be because it's an Austrlian film and I, an obnoxious American, have different standards. It may be that this was actually supposed to be a comedy film, not horror, but the advertisement got messed up so we were expecting a horror film, not a bad, semi-scary comedy.

Either way, it sucked.

Honorable mentions:

Supernatural (Yeah, I know, not a movie. But this show is kinda scary, even if it sucks. See my rant on Supernatural here.)

Walking Dead (They lost me in the second season due to that stupid love triangle and other needless social drama and cliches that just waste my time.) 

30 Days of Night: Dark Days 

American Horror Story: Freak Show (see the truly wonderful summary of that abomination here)

Every Saw movie.

The Best

5. Oculus 

Basically, a supernatural mirror likes driving people insane and getting them to kill themselves and each other.

"Christina, come on. A mirror? Just smash it!"

No, because it distorts perception. That's the whole point: you only see what it wants you to see. I love this movie because it's smart, horrifying, and original, a very rare combination in the modern horror movie.

First, it's non-linear, with two plot lines going at once (a pair of siblings watching the mirror drive their parents crazy, then those same kids--now adults--getting revenge). That's hard to do, and when done right, it's impressive.

Second, the characters and acting are amazing, with realistic family drama rather than the usual eye-rolling crap. The boy spends the ten years between the plot lines convincing himself that he was hallucinating about the mirror, just something he made up when he was a kid to deal with the fact that his parents died horribly. His sister, on the other hand, has spent the past ten years researching the hell out of this mirror and meticulously planning on how to bring it down.

Which brings me to the third point: the characters are smart. Really smart! There's no stupid horror movie mistakes! Whoo-hoo!

4. 30 Days of Night

Based off the graphic novel, 30 Days of Night is a vampire film. Near the poles, (and this is a real thing) due to the tilt in the earth's axis, when summer comes, the sun never sets. When winter comes, the sun never rises. Hence, thirty days of night.

And the vampires decided, "Time for a vacation!"

Coming around the same time as Twilight and Vampire Diaries and all those other preppy, sexy vampires, these guys are terrifying. They are not sexy. They are predators. They completely take over the town and butcher everyone they find.

The love interest is a bit overused, but it's forgivable, because the focus is more on the vampires and how they're killing everyone.

Just don't watch the sequel (a good rule of thumb for any horror movie).

3. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Not a horror movie, per se, but come on. What Halloween could be complete without this Tim Burton classic? And the best part: you can watch it again at Christmas!

Saw this fanart while looking for the movie poster and holy sh!t.

2. Cabin in the Woods 

This one's a horror movie that makes fun of other horror movies. It answers questions like, Why are there usually 5+ young people? Why is there always a dumb, promiscuous girl? Why is there always a virgin? Etc.

And the bad guys aren't really bad guys. Yeah, they're making these young people die horrible deaths from their cozy spot in an underground lab, but they have their reasons. It's not black-and-white. So it's a great horror movie that also makes you think. (I talk a little more about the villains in this post)

Plus, the guy who did Buffy the Vampire Slayer wrote it, so...yeah.

1. Evil Dead (2013 Remake)

I know! A remake made the top of the list!

It helps that the creators of the original were in charge of the remake, so they kept the original vision while expanding on it.

The reason this is number one is because it was absolutely terrifying the first time I saw it. I missed at least half of the movie because I was cowering behind my palm. And when we got home from the theater, I was up until 3am because I was too scared to sleep (which never happens to me, ever). Just when I was drifting off, I heard a creak (because we live in an old house). Didn't get to sleep for another hour after that.

My only complaint: the '79 original had this amazing scene where the demon-girl's on the verge of going nuts. The other girls are playing a card game, where they're trying to guess the next card in the deck, while demon-girl stares listlessly out the window. And then suddenly, she starts listing the cards ("Queen of hearts, three of spades, four of clubs...") and the girl with the cards is flipping them over one by one, realizing the guesses are spot-on, and then everything goes south.

But what the remake did do was expand on the mythology of the Necromicon, get deeper with the characters, and was without a doubt the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. I'd watch them both, then grab a someone to bunk with that night.

Honorable mentions:

The Visit (full review here)

Evil Dead (1979 original)

The Thing (both the original and the recent prequel)

Children of the Corn (because kids freak me out)

American Horror Story seasons 1-3, and 5 (Coven and Hotel were best, Haunted House second, Asylum third)


Know a good show, movie, or book? 
Do you have an idea for a future blog post? 
Any questions or complaints? (all criticism is welcome, so long as it's respectful) 

Then PLEASE contact me
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Thanks for reading! :)